Episode 24
What Your Body Knows That Your Mind Is Ignoring
Mental therapy is a profound and transformative process that serves as a pivotal avenue for personal healing and growth. In this episode of Busy Free Mind, we engage in an enlightening discourse with Ms. Paula Cummings, a licensed professional counselor based in Oregon, who elucidates the essence of mental therapy. We explore the misconceptions surrounding therapy, emphasizing that seeking assistance is not a manifestation of weakness but rather an empowering act of self-care. Furthermore, we delve into the innovative practices of equine-assisted therapy, wherein the emotional responses of horses serve as a mirror to the dynamics of human relationships, facilitating deeper understanding and connection. Through this dialogue, we aim to dismantle the stigma associated with mental health while advocating for the importance of nurturing both the mind and body in the journey toward wellness.
The discourse commences with an exploration of mental therapy, eloquently elucidated by Shobhna, who emphasizes the essence of seeking support as an act of self-care rather than a manifestation of weakness. As the discussion unfolds, we are privileged to welcome Ms. Paula Cummings, a licensed professional counselor renowned for her adept integration of nature-based practices into her therapeutic approach. Ms. Cummings articulates her journey into equine therapy, elaborating on her unique methodology that intertwines mindfulness and embodied practices, thus facilitating profound healing experiences for her clients. The conversation delves into the pivotal moment when individuals recognize their need for therapy, shedding light on the myriad fears and misconceptions that often hinder this vital step. Paula poignantly reflects on the societal stigmas surrounding mental health, elucidating the gradual process of acknowledging one's struggles and the courage it necessitates to seek help. Furthermore, she elucidates the transformative power of creating a safe and trusting therapeutic environment, which is paramount for effective healing.
As the dialogue progresses, the discussion seamlessly transitions to the intricate relationship between mind and body, with Paula articulating the often-overlooked significance of bodily awareness in the healing process. She expounds on how emotions manifest physically, urging individuals to reconnect with their bodies to facilitate a holistic approach to therapy. This segment of the conversation is particularly enlightening, as it underscores the importance of mindfulness and the necessity of acknowledging bodily signals as integral components of emotional health. Paula shares compelling anecdotes from her practice, illustrating how mindfulness techniques can lead to surprising revelations and emotional clarity for her clients. The episode culminates in a profound reflection on the role of equine therapy in fostering emotional awareness and communication within familial dynamics, where horses serve as mirrors, reflecting unspoken emotions and facilitating deeper understanding among family members.
In a concluding synthesis, the discussion reinforces the message that therapy transcends the mere act of addressing psychological ailments; it is a journey towards self-discovery and holistic healing. Paula's insights illuminate the multifaceted nature of mental health care, advocating for a compassionate and integrative approach that honors the interconnectedness of mind, body, and spirit. The episode serves as a poignant reminder that the path to healing is not solely about rectifying what is perceived as broken, but rather about nurturing what has long sought attention and understanding. Throughout the dialogue, Shobhna and Paula invite listeners to embrace vulnerability and the transformative power of therapy, ultimately fostering a deeper appreciation for the healing journeys we undertake.
Takeaways:
- The podcast elucidates the significance of mental therapy as a profound act of self-care, emphasizing its role in fostering emotional well-being.
- Ms. Paula Cummings articulates the transformative power of equine therapy in enhancing the therapeutic process and building trusting relationships.
- Listeners are reminded that seeking support for mental health challenges is not a sign of weakness, but rather a courageous step towards healing.
- The discussion highlights the importance of creating a nurturing environment in therapy, where clients can express their vulnerabilities without fear of judgment.
- Participants share insights about the relationship between physical well-being and mental health, stressing the necessity of holistic approaches in therapy.
- The episode reinforces the idea that therapy is a journey of self-discovery, where individuals can learn to articulate their feelings and establish healthier coping mechanisms.
Companies mentioned in this episode:
- Paula Cummings
- Leif Hallberg
Transcript
Hello everyone, this is Shobhna.
Speaker A:Today on Busy Free Mind, we are talking about mental therapy.
Speaker A:What it really is, when it can be helpful, and why seeking support is not a weakness, but a powerful act of self care.
Speaker A:I am so Happy to welcome Ms. Paula Cummings, a licensed professional counselor based in Oregon.
Speaker A:Paula brings a deep, mindful, embodied approach to therapy, integrating compassion, self trust and nature based practices to support individuals and families on their healing journeys.
Speaker A:Hey Pala, how are you doing?
Speaker B:Good, thank you.
Speaker A:Please tell us about yourself and especially equine therapy practice.
Speaker A:I'm so intrigued to know about it.
Speaker B:So a little bit about myself.
Speaker B:I am a mother and grandmother.
Speaker B:I have five children, seven grandchildren, and I've been married for almost 50 years.
Speaker B:And we have a lovely little place in Oregon where several years ago I moved my private practice onto our property and acquired three mini horses who have now become part of our of my mental health practice.
Speaker B:And yeah, so I don't know if you need more than that, but.
Speaker A:No.
Speaker A:Is this something already available like having or utilizing horses or animals in the mental therapy or is this something that you came up with?
Speaker B:No.
Speaker B:I took a training I'm heading in.
Speaker B:My husband's retired and I was debating how I wanted to carry on my practice forward because I had been in private practice for a number of years and I decided I was really interested in learning more about equine assisted therapy.
Speaker B:So it just coincidentally called a woman that was suggested to me.
Speaker B:Her name is Leif Hallberg and she had written several books on equine therapy and herself is a therapist and has trained people in this practice.
Speaker B:And I just happened to enter in right when she was starting her next cohort of 11 women from all over the world.
Speaker B:And so I began that practice and it was a nine month program.
Speaker B:And at that time I didn't own any horses of my own.
Speaker B:And the training took me through not a lot about including equines, but even more about including embodiments, including activity.
Speaker B:So that the practices that the things that a person is learning, they're doing some kind of an activity that sort of cements it.
Speaker B:And it can be with equines, but just as much it can be just with nature.
Speaker B:And so that then it seemed fitting to move from an office space into our property, which has a little cabin on it where I see clients, but also it has a lot of opportunity for just being outdoors.
Speaker A:Wonderful.
Speaker A:We will talk more about that equine therapy.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker A:But my first question for you is what usually pushes someone to finally start therapy?
Speaker B:The common Answer is, I've been wanting to do this for years, but I just kept saying, oh, everything's fine, do I really need this?
Speaker B:Or I had a hard time finding a therapist or felt a little nervous or intimidated to reach out.
Speaker B:There's a lot of, just.
Speaker B:There's a process of deciding that you need help.
Speaker B:And I think you have to come to a place.
Speaker B:In one case, an ultimatum, like somebody says, if you don't get help, things are not going to continue in the way that they are us.
Speaker B:So that's, that's one way of looking at it.
Speaker A:But what is that biggest fear people have before their first assay?
Speaker B:Yeah, I really believe a lot of people are afraid they're going to be in trouble, like they did something wrong, it's their fault, or that they're going to find out bad news, like I really have something bad, or I, I think that the therapist will judge them.
Speaker B:You know, they're telling very personal things and it's scary and maybe for some people also it's talking about things that are very painful.
Speaker B:And so I think it is a scary process to open up to somebody who's a stranger.
Speaker B:So it's very important that we develop a really trusting relationship as quickly as possible in the session.
Speaker A:Absolutely.
Speaker A:For those people, how do you make them open up and tell their problem?
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Tell their issues?
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Well, I think from the minute they walk in the door, they probably can sense that there's a warmth and that there's.
Speaker B:I mean, I actually, every time I. I'm about to have a session with somebody, there's a poem, prayer that I read to myself to remind myself of what I want.
Speaker B:My.
Speaker B:What I believe is the best stance for me.
Speaker B:And it's about creating a safe and open environment where I can see, listen with wide open ears, see who they are, allow them to feel like whatever they tell me has validity and authenticity.
Speaker B:I just try to just not.
Speaker B:I mean, I believe that we're connected and we all have things that we need to talk about.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker B:Yeah, so.
Speaker A:But why does so many people wait years before asking for help?
Speaker B:I think about the, what is it, the frog in hot water metaphor where you turn the heat up slowly and eventually the frog doesn't know he's being cooked.
Speaker B:And I think for a lot of people it feels normal to be constantly stressed.
Speaker B:It feels normal to be treated in old familiar ways.
Speaker B:That may be what a person grew up with.
Speaker B:And so they're in a situation either as an adult or, or with a child.
Speaker B:It comes on gradually.
Speaker B:There's that sense of, I don't want people to know that I'm crazy.
Speaker B:I mean, people use that term.
Speaker B:Or maybe it's that, you know, I feel like I should be able to take care of this or I should be able to pray and it should go away, or I should be able to ask my friends.
Speaker B:So it's a leap.
Speaker B:It's a leap of faith to jump in.
Speaker B:And what I have found really great is when people are referred by their physician, their physician says, this is, of course, everybody needs help sometime.
Speaker B:And then they kind of feel like it's legitimized.
Speaker A:Right, Right.
Speaker A:So they are stuck with their responsibilities.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker B:Yes, yes.
Speaker A:So what does being stuck really look like in everyday life?
Speaker B:I think it's that daily waking up and feeling a sense of.
Speaker B:I can't get out of this dread, not knowing what direction to go in and not maybe realizing there's something really wrong here.
Speaker B:And I have no idea what to do about it.
Speaker B:So I don't.
Speaker B:I don't do anything.
Speaker B:Maybe that the same script gets repeated over and over and then.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:So it's just this sense of, I don't know how to move forward, but I'm not happy.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:How do their old survival habits quietly hold people back?
Speaker B:I think we all, at some point in our life when internal, there's a lack of attunement maybe between, say, a child and the important people in their life where they.
Speaker B:They feel ashamed or embarrassed to have something happen or certain or maybe, you know, they're just made to be invalidated.
Speaker B:So they begin to deny.
Speaker B:And we all do.
Speaker B:When I say they, I mean me.
Speaker B:And we.
Speaker B:We begin to deny that or find ways to cope, which would be survival strategies.
Speaker B:And they may even be, you know, I'm just going to be really nice and I'm just going to go along to get along.
Speaker B:And so that becomes like their normal way of being.
Speaker B:And it works for a long time.
Speaker B:As a child, that can be really safe.
Speaker B:But as you get older and it begins to put you in a little box where I need to speak up.
Speaker B:I need to know what's coming up for me that can keep a person switching from something like that to realizing, wow, I know that's not a good way to be in the world, but I don't know how to do it differently because this is the only thing I've ever done.
Speaker B:And so really part of therapy is that it's helping somebody realize that worked for you and you did it for all the right reasons.
Speaker B:And now you have some more options that you're.
Speaker B:Now that you're an adult or you're seeing things through a different lens, there are a lot more options than what you've done.
Speaker B:Does that answer your question?
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker A:So we always talk about our mind and body.
Speaker A:Goes hand to hand, goes together.
Speaker A:So what role does the body play in healing that people often ignore?
Speaker B:Love that.
Speaker B:That's such a perfect thing to ask.
Speaker B:We humans, as opposed to all the other species, we spend a lot of time in our head.
Speaker B:We spend a lot of time telling ourselves stories.
Speaker B:We might have a feeling that comes up in our bodies, and I'll back up, say that emotions are always.
Speaker B:There's always a physical connection to what we're feeling.
Speaker B:Whether it's in our gut or in our heart space or in our clenching, it's connected.
Speaker B:But if we ignore those signals and we just go to the story in our head, we can live miles from our body.
Speaker B:But when we begin to reconnect and really just give our body a chance to be, to speak to us, to notice, then there's a way that say, you know, my heart is clenching, I slow down and I notice the clench, and I welcome it rather than trying to push it away or stop it.
Speaker B:I don't ignore it.
Speaker B:And then I ask myself a question like, what's coming up for me?
Speaker B:What's this telling me?
Speaker B:So our body, then, not our mind, gives us a picture or a word or a story, and then we can have compassion for ourselves rather than judging ourselves as being bad for having that feeling.
Speaker B:So the body is so necessary, and that's one way, but I also want to include, and I won't go into this in detail right now, is that our nutrition and our amount of time spent in sunlight, our physical activity also influence the way that our body, the way that our body is reacting emotionally.
Speaker B:It can create its own emotions that we don't even realize that that's part of it.
Speaker A:Very true.
Speaker A:Apart from exercise, we also insist that mindfulness is very helpful for reducing stress.
Speaker A:And from your experience, what surprises clients most when they try mindfulness in their therapy?
Speaker B:I just had that experience.
Speaker B:I had a new client who had never done any grounding or mindfulness techniques before.
Speaker B:And we had talked about our nervous system and described the difference between the optimal state, which, you know, the word is ventral vagal.
Speaker B:It's our most calm, relaxed state of mind.
Speaker B:And then when we get slightly activated, we're in sympathetic arousal.
Speaker B:That's the term.
Speaker B:And all that means is that we're sort of on the edge of fight, flight or freeze.
Speaker B:A lot of people live there.
Speaker B:And this particular client at the end of our session said, that's where I am all the time.
Speaker B:Like, I'm always rushing.
Speaker B:I'm always feeling slightly escalated.
Speaker B:When we sat down and did just a brief.
Speaker B:Reconnecting mindfully with awareness of breathing, awareness of her five senses.
Speaker B:When she opened her eyes, she said, do you do this all the time?
Speaker B:And I said, and she said, I could do this all, you know, several times a day because it just brought her to a place of.
Speaker B:It brings your breath brain back online, your executive functioning.
Speaker B:And it was surprising to realize, oh, I feel so different.
Speaker B:I can actually think clearly.
Speaker B:I feel better.
Speaker B:So, yeah, beautiful.
Speaker A:Paula, as you work with horses in your therapy practice, how do horses mirror emotions within families during the sessions?
Speaker B:So what I'd like to say about horses and emotions is that horses have emotions.
Speaker B:They have a nervous system like we do.
Speaker B:If a client is observing the way, say, three horses in a herd are interacting with each other, they can see the full range of hardwired emotions pretty quickly.
Speaker B:For example, one of our three in the herd gets really bossy around food.
Speaker B:And the way he shows it in horse language is he'll lay his ears back.
Speaker B:The other horses will immediately take off because they know that means he's mad.
Speaker B:If they don't do that, he'll turn around and, like, kick out a hoof at them.
Speaker B:Well, we would call that, you know, if it was a family, the family would recognize that, oh, he's mad, they're scared.
Speaker B:You know, simple emotions.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:So that's one example.
Speaker B:And for a family, they can recognize that's what my brother.
Speaker B:That's how I feel when my brother does that thing or, you know, a child and a parent, an example would be when we have an agenda and we're rushing, the child ends up feeling, you know, like it's not comfortable.
Speaker B:Same thing with the.
Speaker B:We behave with the horses like we behave with everybody else.
Speaker B:But we can't get away with it because they're entirely congruent.
Speaker B:They're not gonna act nice.
Speaker B:They don't have those coping mechanisms.
Speaker B:True.
Speaker B:They're gonna show you.
Speaker B:I don't like that they're gonna go the other way or they're gonna, you know, not wanna have anything to do with you or nip at you or whatever.
Speaker B:So in a way, as you said, it mirrors the response without the benefit of them trying to hide them or be incongruent, to act differently than they feel.
Speaker B:Instead, horses act exactly how they feel and.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:So how do those horses teach parents, children or the clients that you have that talking alone can't.
Speaker B:Well, what I would say is that I can talk about that with a family.
Speaker B:And I think parents often will try to explain away their behavior or justify or invalidate their children's.
Speaker B:It's hard for.
Speaker B:It's hard to be completely empathetic with, for parent to child.
Speaker B:You know, children's behaviors can be really hard.
Speaker B:It's not the parents fault, but you get into this pattern with the horses, I think by being around them.
Speaker B:I'll give you an example rather than try to explain it.
Speaker B:But I had a young client who was often in trouble because she left her room a mess and she had a little bit of adhd.
Speaker B:So she would get distracted.
Speaker B:You know, her mom would say, clean up your room.
Speaker B:She'd get distracted.
Speaker B:And her mom would come back and the room's still a mess.
Speaker B:And she's, you know, tidied up one little thing and her mom would be frustrated with her.
Speaker B:So the, the activity that we did was to have her and we have like boards and buckets and, you know, all kinds of.
Speaker B:And cones and things that she can use.
Speaker B:Almost like sand tray therapy where you set up your problem.
Speaker B:So she set up in the arena her this as if it was her room and she was in there and she was trying to clean up her room.
Speaker B:Well, one of the horses just came in and started knocking, knocking things over.
Speaker B:Every time she'd pick something up, he'd make a mess.
Speaker B:It wasn't that the horse knew what was going on, it was just he was being a horse.
Speaker B:And she started feeling really frustrated with the horse.
Speaker B:And it dawned on her that's how my mom feels.
Speaker B:But she couldn't have gotten that feeling without having an innocent creature behave in a very natural way with her.
Speaker B:So she was able to relate to her mom in a different way.
Speaker B:And the other piece of it was she realized my mom doesn't.
Speaker B:Because she would say, you hate me to her mom.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:And she suddenly realized, my mom doesn't hate me because I don't hate this horse.
Speaker B:But it's really frustrating.
Speaker B:And it keeps happening over and over and over with me and my mom.
Speaker B:So it was just kind of a little epiphany.
Speaker B:I don't know.
Speaker B:I think it just helps to have some physical activity.
Speaker B:That kind of.
Speaker B:That's a breakthrough.
Speaker B:I never would have seen it that way before.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:As a mom, we say kids about the moral stories to teach them moral values.
Speaker A:I Could relate that thing with the hearts therapy here.
Speaker A:Yeah, right.
Speaker A:Rather than telling them, do this, do that.
Speaker A:This is not good or bad.
Speaker A:If we say that in a story way, in a playful way, it will be easy for the kids to grasp the idea.
Speaker A:And that's how I see this acronym, therapy practice.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker A:So, Paula, tell me, why is working with horses so powerful for building trust between parents and kids?
Speaker B:Let me think about that.
Speaker B:I think part of it is that it's like the parent and the child suddenly are equals, because both, at the same time, are trying to build a relationship with a different species, with somebody who's different than them.
Speaker B:So it kind of brings them together.
Speaker B:I had one activity that I did with a boy, his very quiet boy, and his dad was wanting to have better communication between them.
Speaker B:And there were some things that the dad inadvertently was doing in his interaction that kind of were conversation shutdowns.
Speaker B:And I don't think he, you know, he couldn't see that because he was just doing what he did.
Speaker B:So the boy had learned how to brush the horses, how to put a halter on.
Speaker B:And so the instruction was for him to teach his dad how to do that.
Speaker B:And the dad kept trying to take over.
Speaker B:And the instruction was, your job here is to let your son be the leader.
Speaker B:You're not the leader.
Speaker B:And so the interaction allowed the son to kind of have this expert status and the dad to realize how hard it was to just be the one who didn't know.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:And afterwards, you know, in the.
Speaker B:When we were talking about what.
Speaker B:What had come up for the dad, he realized, he said, yeah, it was really hard for me not to want to tell him what to do.
Speaker B:While that was part of the conversation problem that they were having.
Speaker B:Rather than being able to slow himself down and just listen to the son and give him, you know, affirming kinds of comments, he was taking over.
Speaker B:And so why would you bother talking if you're not really being attuned to.
Speaker B:I talk a lot about attunement, being safe, being seen, being gotten, being heard.
Speaker B:That environment sets up connection, and we have to do that with each other, but we definitely have to do it with the horses if we want to get any kind of cooperation with them.
Speaker A:Absolutely.
Speaker A:I completely agree that either it is a job or in a relationship, communication should be two way.
Speaker A:People have to be listened, and they have to be heard.
Speaker A:So I absolutely agree that.
Speaker A:And what would you want to say to someone who thinks that therapy is not for me?
Speaker B:You know, I'd ask them why, you know, what is it about therapy that makes you feel like it wouldn't help you and then, you know, kind of validate their reasons for thinking.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:And maybe there might be just one little element that they.
Speaker B:That I might have to.
Speaker B:That I might be willing to offer, able to offer kind of a different way of looking at that.
Speaker B:They might.
Speaker B:They might say, I've.
Speaker B:In my family, we just.
Speaker B:We don't.
Speaker B:We don't talk about feelings.
Speaker B:And, you know, there might be something that I could bring to the conversation.
Speaker B:Tell me more about that.
Speaker B:What's that like for you to not talk about feelings?
Speaker B:How do you.
Speaker B:How do you get through life without talking through feelings, that kind of thing, where, you know, usually there's some kind of a valid reason why that somebody's arrived at something, but oftentimes there's a little bit of fear or a little bit of misinformation that's guiding that, and maybe the timing isn't right for them.
Speaker B:Maybe that's it.
Speaker B:Or maybe they haven't.
Speaker B:Maybe they haven't met the right person to have that relationship with.
Speaker A:Thank you so much, Paulo, for sharing your wisdom and heartfelt insight with us today.
Speaker A:We are so grateful for having you in the show and viewers.
Speaker A:Today's conversation reminds us that therapy is not about fixing what's broken.
Speaker A:It's about gently listening to what has been asking for our attention all along.
Speaker A:I hope this conversation was helpful for you, and we'll see you again in the next episode.
Speaker A:Thank you.
Speaker A:Bye.
Speaker A:Bye.
Speaker A:Thank you so much, Bala.
Speaker B:Thank you for inviting me.
